While I’m in that mopey “my child is growing up too fast” mood, I was thinking about all the milestones that we celebrate for our kids, and how we celebrate them. Video of first smiles, broadcast on facebook to be viewed by friends, family, and that weird guy that worked in your office four jobs ago. Endless pictures of the first birthday with cake all over the face. The dance parties after a successful first potty encounter. I thought too about how many people buy the book Oh! The Place You’ll Go when our kids start school, or graduate from kindergarten or high school or university. So too, do many people buy their son’s the book I Love You Forever by Robert Munsch. Errrrrrrrr, ummmmmmm. Make no mistake, I’m on board with the message: I really, like, REALLY, love my kid. How I plan on showing him that I love him as he grows up though? I will NOT be taking notes from Mr. Munsch.
It starts out innocent enough. Sure, I’ve gazed lovingly at him as a baby, comme ca……
I may have sneaked in to look at him while he was in his crib. You know, those early days when you’re terrified that they aren’t breathing, so you stare at their chests for 12 straight minutes just to make sure…..
I’ll admit, I’ve peeked around his door to make sure he was sleeping and hadn’t kicked off his covers. I don’t really recall having crawled around his door though……
Now here’s where things really start to go pear shaped for these two. At this point, the mother turns a weird corner from loving parent to, well, stalker. The son grows up, moves away into his own house, which for him is clearly not far enough away from his crazy mother who STRAPS A LADDER TO HER CAR AND DRIVES OVER TO HIS HOUSE TO CLIMB THROUGH HIS WINDOW!!! Whoa! Hold up lady, I think this might be illegal.
Once through the window, this happens…….
Where is this guys wife/husband? Oh, right, all his girl/boyfriends ran screaming from the relationship in the early days when they met Mrs. Bates there. Good lord woman, you’ll break your back, he’s like six foot four! Put that grown man down! Climb back out the window and go immediately back to the asylum from which you escaped! Look, even that cat is trying to escape the madness.
As with most things in life, as we age we start noticing all of our parents traits in ourselves and this poor man is no exception. By the end of this sordid tale, this has happened…….
This poor man, destined to live a life alone forever terrified by his mothers love. Thomas, I love ya kid. I may call more often than you’d like, I may try way too hard to get you to come home for the holidays, but, I will make you this solemn promise: I will never, ever, drive to your house in the dark of night and break in through your bedroom window (I’ll come in quietly through the front door using the key that I had secretly cut when you weren’t looking). xo
Filed under: family, funny, Kids, motherhood, parenting, toddler
